There have been situations many a times in our life when we are surrounded by bossy, dogmatic people. It takes an arduous effort to make space for oneself. At times these people who are real leeches tend to be extremely toxic and demanding. They push us to situations where neither flowing nor fleeing is possible. It is difficult to breathe and make a way out. Voicing out oneself in the right perspective gets important here. What should the correct approach  in such a situation?

"If  you don't have a seat at the table,you're probably on the menu."                                       

                                                                                                      -Elizabeth Warren 
                                                                                                         

ASSERTIVENESS OR AGGRESSION??

To maintain personal self-esteem and foster healthy relationships at workplace or personal life it is demand of the hour to be more Assertive rather than being aggressive. Aggression is a situation when we burst out our emotions in an impulsive and impolite confrontational manner that leads to conflicts. Assertiveness is however somewhat different. It is being aware of one’s rights and that of others. It is expressing our feelings, viewpoints and  rights without ignoring  that of others. It is being emphatic at the same time being self-aware.

ASSERTIVENESS : MEANING

Assertiveness is being confident and forceful. It is a communication skill wherein we express our demands and feelings in a manner that is not confrontational or heavy on relations. It supports creative thinking and opts a win- win approach. A complete control over one’s feelings but not being repressive rather knowing one’s boundaries and that of others and respectfully expressing oneself. It also contains an element of adaptability.

ASSERTIVENESS IN BEHAVIOR
Assertiveness is being obtrusively energetic towards pursuing one’s goals starts with Awareness. Aware of rights, feelings, and viewpoints of self. Being sure that one’s demands are valid and important. Then expressing these feelings confidently in a manner that is not confrontational but emphatic. It is being Straight forward, distinctive and in your FACE. It includes confidence, clarity, and communication.

 12 WAYS TO BE ASSERTIVE

1)Be aware of your self
What are your thoughts? What is your approach towards different things? Your viewpoints, your basic rights are some basic important things you need to be aware of. At times it becomes situations are complex and a right understanding of one’s ideas and thoughts is important.

2)Be clear that your demands are valid
Ask yourself whether your thoughts are rational and preserving your basic rights. Or your expression will destroy your image. Sometimes it is better to be quiet and at times expression is a must. Decision shall be surely yours.

3) Communicate yourself well
This is critical. You need to be confident, straight forward and upfront. But, at the same time you need to be sensible in selection of words. What you speak, what your body language says everything matters. Verbally and Non-Verbally you need to be bold, energetic and goal oriented.

4)Be cool and calm
Aggression should never be mistaken for assertiveness. So, it’s important to be cool. Angry words are sure to violate personal boundaries of others and invite a backfire. Right approach is to control one’s anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner.

5) Practice Self talk
Self-dialogue like a pal is a healer and efficiency booster however that like a Judge is damaging. Therefore, one should talk with self and reiterate one’s capabilities and practice in front of mirror to speak them out confidently. A little of practice every day pays.

6) Be Empathetic
Let’s step into shoes of others to see how they are feeling. This will help us to boldly state our point without the trouble of backfire. At the same time, we will connect with others and form strong relations also.

7) Be adaptable
It is important to adapt to the situations as they come. If we are not adaptable then we shall find it difficult to keep going. Sometimes adaptability helps us to accept rather than react.
Related:How to be more Assertive

8)Change your approach from ‘You" to ‘I’
"You make mistakes","You are always late at completing your work " are hurting .Using "I"statements like" I took a lot of time to read this piece of work but still couldn't get it"are some ways in which we are expressing our feelings and wishes from a personal position without expressing a judgement about other person or blaming one's feelings on them.

9) Broken record technique of Manuel Smith
The "broken Record" technique consists of simply repeating your requests or your refusals every time you are met with resistance.However,when resistance continues your requests may loose power.

10) Keeping Principles technique of Manuel Smith
"I have a policy"is something that solves many problems.Instead of directly saying "NO",if we stick to using words like I have A Policy that things sound better and turn out to be best.

11) Adopt a win win approach
Those people are successful in any negotiation or any circumstance  of life who adopt a win win approach.In this way we diplomatically handle the situation and no body feels defensive or hurt. Assertive people are willing to compromise with others rather than always wanting their own way.

12) Select appropriate words
Selection of words should be such that no one feels insulted or disrespected.Harsh words are to spoil relations and spread a bad word about .So,even when we are to state our point words should be right. This will boost our Self Esteem and respect the boundaries of others.

Bottom Line

A Communication that is Assertive no matter  Social or Personal is sure to make you a winner and get an upper hand no matter what the situation may be.After all the duty we awe to protect our self esteem is more than we owe to others. So,don't be afraid of speaking your mind.Be authentic and expressive and speak it out confidently.